‘April Fools’ Category

April Fools

Crustavus ignores the red flags (three to be exact)

Carter Brown – News Writer On Apr. 1, it has been informed to the Weekly that, at the start of the next school year, the popular “Three Crowns” curriculum will be renamed to “Six Flags”, after the six continents that humans currently inhabit. The change is meant to be more inclusive and indicative of a focus […]

Best of Crampus Soofety Repoot

Epic COVID-19 gamer moment: On Sunday, September 27, 2020, at 0116 hours, campus safety responded to a noise violation in Norelius Hall. Four students violated the college covid-19 policy, 1 student had consumed alcohol and had possession of alcohol, 3 non-GAC students were also present. The 4 students referred to the campus conduct system, the […]

CARB reveals spring concert headliner: Lagarfljøt

Ben Wick – Assistant Editor-in-Beef The Crampus Activities and Recreation Board (CARB) has announced that this year’s Spring Concert will be played by Icelandic pop-rock-alt-indie-folk band Lagarfløt. Opening the show will be none other than Cher, as part of her 14th Farewell/Reunion World Tour. The response from the Crustie community has been rather lukewarm, as CARB […]

Missed Connections

Masked connection I saw you socially distanced in the Caf and we made masked eye contact as we grabbed for a COVID safe salad. You were wearing athleisure and had a Gustavus lanyard around your neck. I can’t stop thinking about taking you on a socially distant walk. Courtyard Courtship To the brunette in Uhler, […]

Do’s and Don’ts: How to Ace Your Interview

Emma Lohman – Staff Writer It’s almost the end of the school year, which means that many Gusties are busy applying for summer internships and full-time jobs. If you’ve landed an interview, congrats. It means that your résumé made it past the robots, otherwise known as the AI-driven Applicant Tracking System. Now all you have to […]

Gustie of the Week: Poot Lovato

Emily VanGorder – Staff Writer Junior Poot Lovato is Gustie of the Week, a title she says she is thrilled to receive. Lovato comes to Gustavus from Dallas, Texas, where her family moved to from Albuquerque, New Mexico, for her sister Demi’s acting career. She starred alongside her sister in a number of roles, including Camp […]

Ship Happens: The boat. The economy. The worms.

Geena Zebrasky – Features Writer 220,000 tons is a lot. To give you some perspective, that’s 1,466 blue whales worth of a ship. Or, almost three million 150-pound humans. However, unlike a whale or human could, the Ever Given ship couldn’t manage to swim through the Suez Canal without getting stuck. When the Ever Given got […]

What Even is a Gustie?

Corinne Stremmel – Editor-in-Chief One might ask themselves from time to time, “what even is a Gustie?” Well, we don’t know either. It’s been made pretty evident by the other Minnesota private liberal arts schools what a Tommie is, an insignificant worm, an Ole, the Norwegian adaptation of a Potato Olé, a Johnnie, probably something inappropriate, a […]

We need to take the “art” out of liberal arts

Tori Smith – Former Art Major There are few things in life that ruffle my feathers. People chewing too loudly, talking too loudly or breathing too loudly are just a few that I can think of off the top of my head. After the art installation fiasco here on campus, however, the art department just shot […]

Only thing to fear is sphere itself

Lexi Louis – President of FES This may seem shocking to some physicists, but I strongly believe the earth is flat. Physicists have missed the point of view we see from our eyes and what technology cannot reveal. The earth appears as a sphere from a camera in space, but to us we only see the […]