On snowy October days, I often find myself wondering why, of all places in the United States, I continue to live here in Minnesota. October 20 seems a bit early to be experiencing snow accumulation, let alone four to seven inches of it. Maybe the occurrence of such a weather event is in part due to climate change, which can make the weather more variable (thanks professor La Frenierre).
However, maybe such an event is actually just due to Minnesota being a secret tundra with a seemingly endless winter that starts before Halloween and endures through Easter.
Either way, I have been feeling frustrated with the early onset of cold weather this year. If you are in need of some cathartic reasoning about why you should continue to live in this frozen wonderland, read on.
To begin, if you like to dress in layers, Minnesota is the place to be. Year round, the weather is such that you can wear shorts in the same week that you wear a winter coat and hat. Layering up is a great way to be prepared for any scenario that you might face from Mother Nature.
For nine months out of the year, you don’t have to worry about getting a sunburn. During the winter months, it is much too cold to go outside with any skin exposed. This means you probably only need to buy one bottle of sunscreen for every trip around the sun; just make sure it isn’t expired.
You don’t have to choose between buying a car that saves gas and one that holds all your friends. There isn’t really a choice, because chances are the one that saves gas will be slipping and sliding on the winter roads to the point where you can’t actually get anywhere and will have to carpool with someone else anyway.
When you have people over, you can put the drinks for the party outdoors instead of taking up room in the fridge. The chilly air blowing around in your backyard is plenty cold enough to get those beverages to a desirable drinking temperature.
In survival situations, many Minnesota residents can survive by catching fish. I don’t know if you have checked the dating apps in the area, but most of the eligible bachelors are pictured with large fish of all sorts. You could probably eat those if it comes down to it, assuming that there are no ingredients left to make up some hot dish.
Finally, you never have to worry about what the actual temperature is. Don’t bother looking at what your weather app says the highs and lows are- all that matters is how badly the wind burns when it smacks you across the face. It’s just another reason to wear your mask, I suppose.
In short, yes, if the United States was a kitchen we would live in the freezer, but is it really so bad? Even if it is, at least you have neighbors that are friendly enough to commiserate with you as you both shovel the driveway for the second time in 24 hours. Bundle up, Gusties; at least we’re in this together.