Jonas Doerr – Opinion Columnist
There’s been some buzz on campus recently, but not by humans. Ferocious monsters lurk in dark corners of one of Gustavus’ academic buildings, and no hero has yet vanquished these terrible foes. Black Jacket wasps have infested the music building.
The wasps have made their presence known in most areas of the building, but they are particularly numerous in the Bjorling recital hall. During a recent jazz concert in Bjorling, a wasp decided to perform an ad hoc improvisational dance routine above the trombone players, distracting the audience from the high quality music being played. And that’s not an uncommon occurrence. Wasps join music practices so often that one would think they are auditing the class.
The unusual architecture of the music building provides a penthouse-like experience for Black Jacket wasps looking to escape the brutal Minnesota winters. Although no one knows for sure where their nests are, there are many options within the lofty rafters of the concert hall. The wasps clearly are comfortable, considering how many of them live in the building.
These wasps have been around for a long time. Senior jazz vocalist Anya Menk says, “For as long as I’ve known Bjorling, I’ve known the Bjorling Wasps. Our relationship began strained, but after a while, we discovered neither of us were going anywhere. Now, I find peace in the knowledge that I’m not alone. It’s comforting to know that with each “shoo-bop,” a family of wasps is up there in the rafters, cheering me on.” While the wasps might be a supportive audience, they do not seem so friendly when they fly down to pay a visit.
Sophomore Sophie Norman had a terrifying experience with some of the flying menaces. One of the wasps appeared while she was with two other students. Panicking, she and the others fled. “At the time, I didn’t know if I was allergic,” Norman said. “We turned around and saw that the wasp was still there.” Luckily for her, one of her friends buckled down and swatted the wasps with a choir folder. When it dropped to the floor, the heroine stomped on the wasp to end its reign of terror forever.
She would not be the only one with a wasp horror story. Menk says, “I was minding my own business, playing a little “Tenor Madness”, and to my dismay, a wasp fell directly on my hand as I was tickling the ivories. Lucky for me, the wasp flew off my hand into the interior of the piano. To this day, I believe he hides there, preparing to strike at any minute.”
“I was traumatized as a kid getting stung by wasps, and I am still terrified of them. Once I spot a wasp buzzing around out of the corner of my eye, it’s impossible to concentrate on the music, because I’m too scared to take my eyes off it. What if one goes up the bell of my trumpet? What if it stings me in the face? I would not hesitate to use anyone in the jazz ensemble as a human shield if one got too close,” Senior Abbie Kavouras said.
How can students perform excellently while this insectile threat constantly looms over them?
Imagine the disaster that would occur if a student was stung while playing. Instead of the trumpet players figuratively screaming out high notes, they’d literally be screaming.
And, seeing as most students are not well versed in vocal improvisation, it would probably be in the wrong key. It would ruin the concert.
Students have mixed feelings on what to do with the wasps. Some have grown accustomed to the wasps and enjoy the usually non-violent company. Sometimes college can feel lonely, and wasps are good listeners. Say anything to them, and they’ll just buzz back, “mmhmm.”
On the other hand, some students feel that they have enough stress already without adding the constant fear of being stung. Wasps belong outside, no matter how much they enjoy the fine music produced in Bjorling.
“If we can’t get rid of the nests, then the least we can do is charge them rent and put the money towards renovating the music building,” Kavouras said. Why allow the wasps to enjoy our music building for free?
Something needs to be done about the wasps. First, someone needs to locate the wasps’ nests, either to negotiate with them or to move them outside. Seeing as most of the wasps have not hurt anyone yet, death by shoe sole does not seem fair for most of them. Perhaps they can be convinced to find a new mailing address outside of Gustavus’ music building. If not, it is time to vanquish them.
If Campus Safety can handle the shenanigans that go on in Co-Ed, they could probably handle some wasps. Let them perform a sting operation to take out these menaces. Otherwise, a flaming hot bassoon solo might be enough to smoke them out. Either way, they cannot be allowed to remain in Bjorling.
We cannot continue to allow our music students to be marauded by Black Jacket wasps. Gustavus must either reach a peaceful deal with the wasps or remove them for good. Students will not let this infestation fly anymore. Let us band together to rid the music building.